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The graph lines illustrate separately the number of women and men who are employed in six different sectors in year 1975 and 1995.

The graph lines illustrate separately the number of women and men who are employed in six different sectors in year 1975 and 1995. gGen1
The graph lines illustrate separately the number of women and men who are employed in six different sectors in year 1975 and 1995. All the values are measured in thousands. Overall, in 1975, men tend to be more employed in all the sectors than women while, in 1995 some sector became to employ women in majority such as communications and wholesale & retail trade. In all the sectors male employees remained stable for 20 year period. In 1995, in the sectors manufacturing and public sector non-defense the number of men and women are employed are same as in 1975. On the contrary, the public sector-defense witnessed a dramatic change in 1995, the number of male employees experienced a decrease while the number of female increased over 50000. At the end of the period, in banking and finance women's participation is almost same as male employees. In 1995, in the sectors communications and wholesale & retail trade, the female employees increased by nearly 250000 and exceeded the number of male.
The graph lines illustrate
separately
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
are employed
in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in year 1975 and 1995. All the values
are measured
in thousands.

Overall
, in 1975,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
tend to be more employed in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
while, in 1995
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
became to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in majority such as communications and wholesale & retail trade.

In all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
remained stable for
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
20 year
period. In 1995, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
manufacturing and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
non-defense the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are employed
are same as in 1975.
On the contrary
, the public sector-defense witnessed a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
experienced a decrease while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female increased over 50000.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, in banking and finance women's participation is almost same as male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. In 1995, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
communications and wholesale & retail trade, the female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
increased by
nearly
250000 and exceeded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male.
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IELTS academic The graph lines illustrate separately the number of women and men who are employed in six different sectors in year 1975 and 1995.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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