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The graph indicates the residence of foreign students from four different countries to Australia from 1982 to 2000.

The graph indicates the residence of foreign students from four different countries to Australia from 1982 to 2000. x07y6
The graph indicates the residence of foreign students from four different countries in Australia from 1982 to 2000. First of all, there were three countries that started at the same level in 1982, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. Meanwhile, Indonesia and Singapore leveled off until 1987. Moreover, the general trend in Hong Kong is slightly fluctuated, and then reaching at the highest point of about 20000 students in 1998. Whereas, the level of Malaysia is distinctly increasing around 10000 students in the same year. Furthermore, the number of students in Malaysia remain stable between 1983 and 1992 at about 10000 students, then it peaked at nearly 20000 students. Overall, it is clearly seen that Asian countries experienced a considerable increase in students numbers in Australia.
The graph indicates the residence of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in Australia from 1982 to 2000.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there were three countries that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the same level in 1982, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. Meanwhile, Indonesia and Singapore leveled off until 1987.
Moreover
, the general trend in Hong Kong is
slightly
fluctuated, and then reaching at the highest point of about 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 1998.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the level of Malaysia is
distinctly
increasing around 10000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the same year.
Furthermore
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Malaysia remain stable between 1983 and 1992 at about 10000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, then it peaked at
nearly
20000 students.

Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Asian countries experienced a considerable increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
numbers in Australia.
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IELTS academic The graph indicates the residence of foreign students from four different countries to Australia from 1982 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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