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proportions of sale products in various types.

proportions of sale products in various types. LGKxR
The pie chats illustrate the proportions of sale products in various types. Overall, a major change was expected in what people spend money in in 2014. In 2012, other products is the most common bought of people with surprisingly 82%, but after 2 years, these products is replaced with computer game and tablet products. There was an over 4 times increased in the number of tablets sale from 8% to 34% after the time shown in the charts. The same goes for computer game products with roughly quadrupled from 10% to 41% leading it the main selling products in 2014. Other products was the only line that got decreased in the sale point. A dramatic drop of rate witnessed after 2 years to 25%, over one-third of 2012. In brief, the other tools was replaced by the modern technology.
The pie chats illustrate the proportions of sale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in various types.

Overall
, a major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
in what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend money
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
2014. In 2012, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is the most common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
surprisingly
82%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2 years, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is replaced
with computer game and tablet products.

There was an over 4 times increased in the number of tablets sale from 8% to 34% after the time shown in the charts. The same goes for computer game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with roughly quadrupled from 10% to 41% leading it the main selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in 2014.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
line that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
decreased in the sale point. A dramatic drop of rate witnessed after 2 years to 25%, over one-third of 2012.

In brief
, the other tools
was replaced
by the modern technology.
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IELTS academic proportions of sale products in various types.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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