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The graph illustrates the number of men and women employees in Freedonia working in 6 different fields in the years 1975 and 1995.

The graph illustrates the number of men and women employees in Freedonia working in 6 different fields in the years 1975 and 1995. NyrO0
The graph illustrates the number of men and women employees in Freedonia working in 6 different fields in the years 1975 and 1995. Overall, it can be seen that the public sector (non-defence) had the highest number of workers in both the years, also most males hired were in this sector too, whereas, females were hired most in wholesale and retail sectors. The employee count remained nearly the same in all the sectors with communications being the one seeing a hefty rise. Wholesale and retail trade had the second-highest worker count followed by manufacturing and communications in the year 1975. In the next 20 years, the communication sector overtook finance and became the sector with the 3rd highest employees. The Public sector(defence) had the lowest employability numbers even after 20 years and saw a dip in their number from 220, 000 to 200, 000. Moreover, communications had a jump of nearly 300, 000 workers in the span of 20 years. Finance and banking had the gap between women and men workers diminish, while in communications and wholesale and retail trade sectors female worker numbers dominated between the two.
The graph illustrates the
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number
of
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men
and women employees in
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Freedonia
working in 6
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different
fields in the years 1975 and 1995.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
) had the highest
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number
of
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workers
in both the years,
also
most males hired were in this
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sector
too, whereas, females
were hired
most in wholesale and retail
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sectors
. The employee count remained
nearly
the same in all the
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sectors
with communications being the one seeing a hefty rise.

Wholesale and retail trade had the second-highest
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worker
count followed by manufacturing and communications in the
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year
1975. In the
next
20 years, the
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communication
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sector
overtook finance and became the
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sector
with the 3rd highest employees.

The Public sector(
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defence
) had the lowest employability
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numbers
even after 20 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a dip in their
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number
from 220, 000 to 200, 000.
Moreover
, communications had a jump of
nearly
300, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the span of 20 years. Finance and banking had the gap between women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
diminish, while in communications and wholesale and retail trade
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sectors
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
dominated between the two.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the number of men and women employees in Freedonia working in 6 different fields in the years 1975 and 1995.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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