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the graph illustrates the birth rate of China and the USA

the graph illustrates the birth rate of China and the USA 1AngM
The line graph illustrates the changes in the fertility rates of China and the USA during 80 years, starting from 1920. It is clear that, the percentage of birth rate of both countries witnessed a downward trend over the time shown. Additionally, in most of the time, the figure for the USA was rather higher compared to China. Regarding 1920, China birth rates stood at 10%, while the USA was a tiny over to China and both fluctuated to reach nearly 13% and 15% in 1935, respectively. From that time onward, the fertility figure of China suddenly dropped at 5% in 1940 and then bottom out to 1945. At the same time, the fertility proportion of the USA experienced a slight decrease by 1% in 1940, after which it was declined again, although steeper, in 1945, the figure was at a little under static to China. Furthermore, 1945 shown a dramatic growth of China and USA birth rates to reach the peak at 20% for the former and 15% for the latter in 1950. However, this upward trends were not last as they unexpectedly felt. In detail, China fertility rates plummeted swiftly by a little over 10% in 1955 and to be continued gradually decreased to hit nearly 2% in 2000, whereas the USA birth rates moderately felt over 50 years and was threefold compared to China.
The line graph illustrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
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fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of China and the USA during 80 years, starting from 1920.

It is
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clear
that, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
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rate
of both countries witnessed a downward trend
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over
the
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time
shown.
Additionally
, in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the figure for the USA was
rather
higher compared to China.

Regarding 1920, China
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
stood at 10%, while the USA was a tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
to China and both fluctuated to reach
nearly
13% and 15% in 1935,
respectively
. From that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
onward, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
figure of China
suddenly
dropped at 5% in 1940 and then bottom out to 1945. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
proportion of the USA experienced a slight decrease by 1% in 1940, after which it
was declined
again, although steeper, in 1945, the figure was at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
under static to China.

Furthermore
, 1945 shown a dramatic growth of China and USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
to reach the peak at 20% for the former and 15% for the latter in 1950.
However
, this upward trends were not last as they
unexpectedly
felt. In detail, China
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
plummeted
swiftly
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10% in 1955 and to
be continued
gradually
decreased to hit
nearly
2% in 2000, whereas the USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
moderately
felt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50 years and was threefold compared to China.
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IELTS academic the graph illustrates the birth rate of China and the USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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