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The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. jjoM
This double line graph depicts how much money do people spend on mobile phones comparing to home phones per year. It os clear from the graph that the most popular connection way these days is the cell phone, while the home phone is not the main way which has been depended on. According to what is shown in the cell phone line graph, we obviously are able to notice a gradually raising in paying from 2001 to 2010, despite of it had been very slightly between 2002 and 2003, to come back with an almost dramatically increasing from 2003 to 2007. However, we clearly could see the money had been spent on the residential services had been decreasing during that period with mildly falling between 2003 and 2006. To sum up, we could say that the ratios is proportional between the both services, but the ratio increasing for mobile phones is bigger than the decreasing ratio for the home phones.
This double line graph depicts how much money do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
comparing to home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
per year.

It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
It
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the most popular connection way these days is the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, while the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is not the main way which has
been depended
on.

According to what
is shown
in the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
line graph, we
obviously
are able to notice a
gradually
raising in paying from 2001 to 2010,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
it had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slightly
between 2002 and 2003, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back with an almost
dramatically
increasing from 2003 to 2007.

However
, we
clearly
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the money had
been spent
on the residential services had been decreasing during that period with
mildly
falling between 2003 and 2006.

To sum up, we could say that the ratios is proportional between the both services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ratio increasing for mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is bigger than the decreasing ratio for the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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