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The graph below shows female unemployment rate

The graph below shows female unemployment rate g9Ya
The provided line graph compares 5 different activities which includes reading hiking theatre watching tv and surfing the internet for old people’s leisure time in US from 80’s to now It is clear from the graph that the percentage of some activities like hiking, reading and surfing the net are increased The other 2 activities are both have fluctuated trend and their number not really changed at last In 1980’s watching tv was the most popular entertainment for old people on the other hand surfing the net was the least popular among those people and other 3 activities were floated between these 2 Between 80’s and 90’s theatre decreased sharply among aged people (to 30%) while other hobbies experienced an increase in this period At this age that we are in, hiking leads the most dramatic increase(to 80%) although watching tv, reading, surfing the net and theatre catch less attention (65% 60% 50% and 45% respectively)
The provided line graph compares 5
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different
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activities
which includes reading hiking
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and surfing the internet for
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old
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people’s
leisure time in US from
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80’s
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now


It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the percentage of
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some
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activities
like hiking, reading and surfing the net
are increased


The
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other
2
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activities
are both have fluctuated trend and their number not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
at last

The article is probably missing here: "In the 1980’s".
In 1980’s
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
was the most popular entertainment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the
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other
hand surfing the net was the least popular among those
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people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were floated
between these 2

Between
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80’s
and
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
decreased
sharply
among aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(to 30%) while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies experienced an increase in this period

At this age that we are in, hiking leads the most dramatic increase(to 80%) although watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, reading, surfing the net and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
catch less attention (65% 60% 50% and 45%
respectively
)
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IELTS academic The graph below shows female unemployment rate

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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