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The graph below shows the population of people in different age groups between 2015 and 2070.

The graph below shows the population of people in different age groups between 2015 and 2070. DN5bm
The given data forecasts the population of individuals as a whole and above 75 including the percentages of the individuals aged above 75 in some country from the period of 2015 to 2070. Firstly, by analyzing the given table we can observe that there has been a consistent rise in the population in total 5 and half decade similar trend can be observed with almost double the rise in the population of individuals aged above 75 throughout the span. From the initial analysis we observe that there was gradual increase in population around 7 million jumps in overall population whereas a 3 million incline can be observed in the case of individuals which is around 3% with age above 75 from the period 2015 to 2030, considering the year 2025 and 2030 a slight increase can be predicted. Furthermore, we can notice a dramatic increase of population in the period 2030 to 2070 with 11 rise in total population similarly about 4 million incline with 3% rise can be predicted in 75 plus aged group while In the year 2050 to 2070 a jump of 2 million can be observed
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data forecasts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as a whole and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
75 including the percentages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
75 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country from the period of 2015 to 2070.

Firstly
, by analyzing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table we can observe that there has been a consistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in total 5 and half decade similar trend can
be observed
with almost double the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
75 throughout the span.

From the initial analysis we observe that there was gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
around 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
jumps in
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
whereas a 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'incline' seems to be countable, so consider using: "inclines".
incline
can
be observed
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
which is around 3% with age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
75 from the period 2015 to 2030, considering the year 2025 and 2030 a slight increase can
be predicted
.

Furthermore
, we can notice a dramatic increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the period 2030 to 2070 with 11
Possible agreement error. The noun 'rise' seems to be countable, so consider using: "rises".
rise
in total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
similarly
about 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'incline' seems to be countable, so consider using: "inclines".
incline
with 3%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rise
can
be predicted
in 75 plus aged group while In the year 2050 to 2070 a jump of 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
can
be observed

IELTS academic The graph below shows the population of people in different age groups between 2015 and 2070.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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