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Number of books borrowed from four villages

Number of books borrowed from four villages PrlAp
The line graph illustrates the information about how many books which are borrowed from four villages, namely West Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton Wood, Church Mount libraries during from June to September. Overall, what stands out from the given information is that the highest number of books made up Sutton Wood while the lowest result belonged to West Eaton and Church Mount. Other results differed from each other category by category. It is clear seen that borrowed books in Sutton Wood started with 250 in July before reaching the lowest point in August at 100. However, at the end of period it rose sharply to 300. As regarding, There was a gradual decline in the number of books in Rye slip between June and September. By contrast at beginning of period West Eaton and Church Mount witnessed the same point at 50. Nevertheless, books which is borrowed in West Eaton village increased slightly in August at 150 and leveled off until September.
The line graph illustrates the information about how
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many
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books
which
are borrowed
from four villages,
namely
West Eaton,
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Ryeslip
, Sutton Wood, Church Mount libraries during from June to September.

Overall
, what stands out from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information is that the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
made up Sutton Wood while the lowest result belonged to West Eaton and Church Mount. Other results differed from each other category by category.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that borrowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in Sutton Wood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 250 in July
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the lowest point in August at 100.
However
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period it rose
sharply
to 300. As regarding, There was a gradual decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in Rye slip between June and September.

By contrast at beginning of period West Eaton and Church Mount witnessed the same point at 50.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which
is borrowed
in West Eaton village increased
slightly
in August at 150 and leveled off until September.
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IELTS academic Number of books borrowed from four villages

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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