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line graph Unemployement Rates: US and Japan

line graph Unemployement Rates: US and Japan eRV07
The graph compares the unemployment rates in the US and Japan over the course of 6 years, from march 1993 to march 1999. Overall, in the beginning according to the graph the unemployment was low in the Japan, while there was a lot of rose in the US during the period in question. Besides, in the Japan the unemployment overtook that of the unemployment in the US after 1998. In march 1993, the percentage of the unemployment was 7 % in the US. This year reached a peak of 7 %. After 1993, we witnessed a fall until 1999. the number of the unemployment was slowly rose in the Japan. In 1993, the unemployment was almost 2. 5 %. This graph illustrated a flactuation from 1993 to 1998. After 1998, amount of the unemployment reached a peak of just over 4. 5 % in the Japan.
The graph compares the
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unemployment
rates in the US and
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Japan
over the course of 6 years, from
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
1993 to
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
1999.
Overall
, in the beginning according to the graph the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
was low in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, while there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
rose in the US during the period in question.
Besides
, in the
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Japan
the
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unemployment
overtook that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in the US after 1998. In
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
1993, the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
was 7 % in the US. This year reached a peak of 7 %. After 1993, we witnessed a fall until 1999.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
number of the
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unemployment
was
slowly
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
in the
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Japan
. In 1993, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
was almost 2. 5 %. This graph illustrated a
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flactuation
from 1993 to 1998. After 1998, amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
reached a peak of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 4. 5 % in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
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IELTS academic line graph Unemployement Rates: US and Japan

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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