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Line graph depicting music sales during 1999 to 2020 in UK

Line graph depicting music sales during 1999 to 2020 in UK NVaEN
The graph depicts the annual sales of CDs, cassettes, vinyl and digital/downloaded music during a period of 30 years from 1990 to 2020. Units measured in Pounds sterling. Overall, during the 30 year period, the sales of digital / downloaded music outnumbered the rest. While the sales of CDs and and cassettes decreased, the sales of vinyl and digital music increased over the given time period. It is evident from the the graph that the sales of digital music was almost zero till the year 2000, after which there was a remarkable increase in its sales reaching an all time high of 2000 Pound sterling in the year 2020 becoming the most popularly bought music in that period. On the contrary, the sales of cassettes steadily declined from around 100 Pounds sterling in the year 1990 to almost zero in the year 2010 after which it remained constant. With regards to CDs, the sales gradually increased from 500 Pounds sterling in the year 1990 and reached the peak in the year 2000 after which it greatly plummeted to around 100 Pounds sterling in the year 2020. On the other hand, the sales of Vinyl music has not shown significant variation over the given period. There was a negligible decrease of sales in the year 2005 which then slightly increased reaching just above the initial numbers.
The graph depicts the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of CDs, cassettes, vinyl and digital/downloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 30 years from 1990 to 2020. Units measured in Pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sterling
.
Overall
, during the 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of digital / downloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
outnumbered the rest. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of CDs
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
cassettes decreased, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of vinyl and digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
increased over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. It is evident from
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
graph that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was almost zero till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000, after which there was a remarkable increase in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
reaching an
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high of 2000 Pound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sterling
in the
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year
2020 becoming the most
popularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of cassettes
steadily
declined from around 100 Pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sterling
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 to almost zero in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 after which it remained constant.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
CDs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
increased from 500 Pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sterling
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 and reached the peak in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000 after which it
greatly
plummeted to around 100 Pounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sterling
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2020.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of Vinyl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has not shown significant variation over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. There was a negligible decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005 which then
slightly
increased reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above the initial numbers.
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IELTS academic Line graph depicting music sales during 1999 to 2020 in UK

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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