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The graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain.

The graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain. 3aQ1X
The line chart illustrates the division of the percentage of public who went to the movie theater once a month in four different age team between 1984 and 2000. Overall, the proportion of who wishing to watch movie of almost any age increases over the period. Especially, 15-24 years old group has strongest growth in all of the team. In 1984, the highest number for who wanted to go to the cinema was only about 20%, which belonged to 15-24 group, in comparison with 3% and 10% of 25-35 group and 7-14 group respectively. The people who from 35 to over had no percentage. In the 10 next years, children, teenagers and the adult tented to go to the theater more, the evidence was the proportion of this groups including 7-14, 15-24 and 25-35 grew to about 28%, 40% and 25% correspondingly while the percentage of remaining(35 and over) had slight increase(5%) During the last period, the figures continued to go up. As a result, the rate of people in 15-24 years old peaked at about 60% in 2000. The similar was true for over 35 group(15%). Meanwhile, the percentage of two remaining groups(7-14 and 25-35)fluctuated moderately before decreasing and growing to 22% respectively at the end of stage.
The line chart illustrates the division of the
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percentage
of public
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who
went to the movie theater once a month in four
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different
age team between 1984 and 2000.

Overall
, the proportion of
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who
wishing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movie of almost any age increases
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over
the period.
Especially
, 15-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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group
has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the strongest".
strongest
growth in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
team.

In 1984, the highest number for
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who
wanted to go to the cinema was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 20%, which belonged to 15-24
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group
,
in comparison
with 3% and 10% of 25-35
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group
and 7-14
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group
respectively
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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who
from 35 to
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over
had no
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percentage
. In the 10
next
years, children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the adult tented to go to the theater more, the evidence was the proportion of
Did you mean "these"?
this
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groups
including 7-14, 15-24 and 25-35 grew to about 28%, 40% and 25%
correspondingly
while the
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percentage
of remaining(35 and
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over)
had slight increase(5%)

During the last period, the figures continued to go up.
As a result
, the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 15-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
peaked at about 60% in 2000. The similar was true for
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over
35
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group(15%)
. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of two remaining
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groups(7-14
and 25-35)fluctuated
moderately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
decreasing and growing to 22%
respectively
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of stage.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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