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The parents spent money on children's game and number of kids participate in games

The parents spent money on children's game and number of kids participate in games GMEye
The provided line graphs depict the average once a month on kid's games and also represent the number of kids who take part in various games in the UK from 2008 to 2014. Overall, it is noticeable that, the mean expend on children games was swiftly rised whereas the number of children engaged in football was always higher than others in the given years. Looking into detail of first graph, the parents were lavishing 20 million pounds in every month on football in the initial year. After two years, it steadily increased and registered at 23 million pounds. In the subsequence years it continuously climb up and settled at near to peak was more than 30 million in the last year. Turning to the detail of second graph, the majority of the children in UK indulge in football which was always higher than other two games which was reached at the top with more than 9 million. Athletics was ranked at third, which stood at the bottom in the starting years but after that it significantly rised and overtook the swimming than stood at five million. In 2012, it moderately declined. Swimming was common in 2008 but it gradually increased every year it was recorded at roughly to four million in 2014.
The provided line graphs depict the average once a month on kid's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
also
represent the number of kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the UK from 2008 to 2014.

Overall
, it is noticeable that, the mean expend on children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was
swiftly
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
whereas the number of children engaged in football was always higher than others in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.

Looking into detail of
first
graph, the parents were lavishing 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
pounds in every month on football in the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. After two years, it
steadily
increased and registered at 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
pounds. In the subsequence years it
continuously
Did you mean "climbs"?
climb
up and settled at near to peak was more than 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in the last year.

Turning to the detail of second graph, the majority of the children in UK indulge in football which was always higher than other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
was reached
at the top with more than 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. Athletics
was ranked
at third, which stood at the bottom in the starting years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that it
significantly
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
and overtook the swimming than stood at five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. In 2012, it
moderately
declined. Swimming was common in 2008
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
gradually
increased every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it
was recorded
at roughly to four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2014.
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IELTS academic The parents spent money on children's game and number of kids participate in games

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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