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The graph below shows the number of hours Canadians spend on watching Tv from 1990-2000

The graph below shows the number of hours Canadians spend on watching Tv from 1990-2000 weJqe
The first bar graph illustrates the number of hours per week spent on watching Tv by Canadian people. Where as, second bar graph explain the average hours of tv viewing per week by age 1999-2000. Overall, it is clearly seen from the graph that Canadians spent more hours on watching Tv in 1991. While, after decade it was nearly 10 times less hours spent on watching Tv. Although, over 60 age group spent more hours per week in compare to other age group. In 1991, Canadian watched Tv approximately 23 hours per week. Which was slightly fall down through out the three year and it reached nearly 22. 6 hours in 1994. Moreover, in 1995 it was dramatically rose almost 22. 9 hours per week. In the next year period around same with previous year. Furthermore, in 1997 to 2000 viewing hours was flactuated. In 2000 the spent hours moderately fall down nearly 22 hours per week respectively. Second graph shows that the, early age group such as 2 to 11 year children watched Tv minimum 19 hours per week. Whereas, age group between 12 to till 35 age year old people viewing tv almost 15 hours per week. In contrast to, 35 to 49 age groups we’re watched tv less hours Than the age group of 50-59. With 30. 2 hours per week over 60 age group respectively.
The
first
bar
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graph
illustrates the number of
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hours
per
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week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on watching
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Tv
by Canadian
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people
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
, second bar
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graph
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explain
the average
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hours
of
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tv
viewing per
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week
by
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age
1999-2000.
Overall
, it is
clearly
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seen
from the
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graph
that Canadians
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spent
more
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hours
on watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
in 1991. While, after decade it was
nearly
10 times less
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hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, over 60
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age
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group
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spent
more
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hours
per
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week
in compare to other
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age
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group
. In 1991, Canadian
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watched
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Tv
approximately 23
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hours
per
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week
. Which was
slightly
Consider using a past participle here: "fallen".
fall
down
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through out
the three
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year
and it reached
nearly
22. 6
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hours
in 1994.
Moreover
, in 1995 it was
dramatically
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rose
almost 22. 9
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hours
per
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week
. In the
next
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year
period around same with previous
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year
.
Furthermore
, in 1997 to 2000 viewing
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hours
was
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flactuated
. In 2000 the
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spent
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hours
moderately
fall down
nearly
22
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hours
per
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week
respectively
. Second
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graph
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shows
that
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
early
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age
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group
such as 2 to 11
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year
children
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watched
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Tv
minimum 19
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hours
per
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week
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
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age
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group
between 12 to till 35
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age
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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people
viewing
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tv
almost 15
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hours
per
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week
.
In contrast
to, 35 to 49
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age
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groups
we’re
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watched
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tv
less
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hours
Than the
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age
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group
of 50-59. With 30. 2
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
over 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of hours Canadians spend on watching Tv from 1990-2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
229 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • ?
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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