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The bar graph compares the number of cell phones sold by 5 famous manufacturers over th course of 4 years, starting in 2009

The bar graph compares the number of cell phones sold by 5 famous manufacturers over th course of 4 years, starting in 2009 YdJqK
The bar graph compares the number of cell phones sold by 5 famous manufacturers over th course of 4 years, starting in 2009. Looking from an overall perspective, it is obviously apparent that Nokia sold the most mobile phones between 2009 and 2013. In addition, other striking features are significant increases in Samsung as well as Apple sales. In 2009, the number of cell phones sold Samsung were about 230 millions, compared to merely 20 million units in Apple. While Samsung then witnessed a considerable growth around 450 millions and became the most sucessful manufacturer, a slight rise to roughly 150 millions was seen in Apple, which was less 3 times than this market leader by 2013. More than 400 million phones were company Nokia sales in 2009, experiencing a considerable drop to approximately 230 million mobile phones by 2013. The same trend was true for vendor LG when its figure decreased steadily from about 120 to below 80 millions. Besides, ZTE sale remained relatively unchanged around 50 million units over the period shown.
The bar graph compares the number of cell
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phones
sold by 5
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famous
manufacturers over
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th
course of 4 years, starting in 2009.

Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
obviously
apparent that Nokia sold the most mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
between 2009 and 2013.
In addition
, other striking features are significant increases in Samsung
as well
as Apple sales.

In 2009, the number of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
sold Samsung were about 230
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millions
, compared to
merely
20
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million
units in Apple. While Samsung then witnessed a considerable growth around 450
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millions
and became the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucessful
manufacturer, a slight rise to roughly 150
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millions
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Apple, which was less 3 times than this market leader by 2013.

More than 400
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Nokia sales in 2009, experiencing a considerable drop to approximately 230
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million
mobile
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phones
by 2013. The same trend was true for vendor LG when its figure decreased
steadily
from about 120 to below 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
Besides
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
sale remained
relatively
unchanged around 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
units over the period shown.
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IELTS academic The bar graph compares the number of cell phones sold by 5 famous manufacturers over th course of 4 years, starting in 2009

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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