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Stock value of 4 companies

Stock value of 4 companies lRoro
The line graph gives information about the stock value of Apple, Google, Facebook and Yahoo from 2011 to 2016. Overall, the stock price of Facebook increased steadily, in contrast Yahoo stocks saw a relative decline in value, meanwhile Google’s stock prices remained stable, however Apple stock prices fluctuated immensely. The stock prices of both Facebook and Yahoo started at almost 7500 in 2011, however the market stock value increased continuously for Facebook while declining steadily for Yahoo in the following five years. Ultimately, Facebook stocks were worth nearly 20000 meanwhile Yahoo stocks were valued less than 2500 in 2016. Google’s stock was worth almost 1000 in 2011 and it was maintained in the upcoming five year period, however Apple’s stock price, which was valued 5000 in 2011, increased seven times to reach 35000 in 2012, falling suddenly to approximately 7000, fluctuating afterwards until it was finally valued nearly 5500 in 2016.
The line graph gives information about the stock value of Apple, Google, Facebook and Yahoo from 2011 to 2016.

Overall
, the stock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of Facebook increased
steadily
,
in contrast
Yahoo stocks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a relative decline in value, meanwhile Google’s stock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
remained stable,
however
Apple stock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
fluctuated
immensely
.

The stock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of both Facebook and Yahoo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at almost 7500 in 2011,
however
the market stock value increased
continuously
for Facebook while declining
steadily
for Yahoo in the following five years.
Ultimately
, Facebook stocks were worth
nearly
20000 meanwhile Yahoo stocks
were valued
less than 2500 in 2016.

Google’s stock was worth almost 1000 in 2011 and it
was maintained
in the upcoming
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "five-year"
five year
period,
however
Apple’s stock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
, which
was valued
5000 in 2011, increased seven times to reach 35000 in 2012, falling
suddenly
to approximately 7000, fluctuating afterwards until it was
finally
valued
nearly
5500 in 2016.
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IELTS academic Stock value of 4 companies

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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