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the graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information

the graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information 2kMw
The given line graph gives information about how many enquiries were made by telephone, letter/mail and in person between January 2001 and June 2001. Overall, it is obvious that both telephone and in person saw their enquiries reply rose during the given time frame, while the figure for email/letter reply tend to fall considerately. The number of reply made by person stands out as the highest one despite of slight fluctuations. In January the number of enquiries correspondence in person was 400, which was significantly lower than those of telephone and email/letter with 400 and 200 respectively at that time. For the next three months, the number of enquiries made by telephone and by email/letter experienced a moderate decrease of a couple points, nearly remained the same trend. Whereas the enquiries made by person witnessed a remarkedly increase by 400 at the same month, made telephone figure altered from the lowest to the highest one at 800. From Mar onwards, it is clear that there was a gradual decline pattern carried on the number of email/letter reply, with the figure decreasing slightly to 500 in April before reaching lowest point of 200 at the end of the time span. On the contrary to that of email/letter both in person and telephone reply number rose significantly. At that time the number of person reply fluctuated with insignificant changes then hit the peak of 1200. The figure for that of telephone was 1100 in compared to the highest with just a hundred reply at the same end of the period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph gives information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
were made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
, letter/mail and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
between January 2001 and June 2001.

Overall
, it is obvious that both
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telephone
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
rose during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame, while the
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figure
for email/letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
tend to fall
considerately
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
made by
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person
stands out as the highest one
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
slight fluctuations.

In January the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
correspondence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
was 400, which was
significantly
lower than those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
and email/letter with 400 and 200
respectively
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For the
next
three months, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
and by email/letter experienced a moderate decrease of a
Did you mean "couple of"? (In formal written English 'of' should follow 'couple'.)
couple
points,
nearly
remained the same trend. Whereas the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
witnessed a
Possible spelling mistake found.
remarkedly
increase by 400 at the same month, made
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
altered from the lowest to the highest one at 800.

From Mar onwards, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there was a gradual decline pattern carried on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of email/letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
, with the
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figure
decreasing
slightly
to 500 in April
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
point of 200 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
span.
On the contrary
to that of email/letter both in
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person
and
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
rose
significantly
. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
fluctuated with insignificant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
then hit the peak of 1200. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
was 1100 in compared to the highest with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reply
at the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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