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The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. X9Dq
The graph below indicates the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month in 2011. The questions that given the tourist to get informations usually by 3 ways such as in person, by letter or email me and by telephone. First of all let's take a look at the enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office directly. In January there are around 450 people who asked the information in person. In February increased to 600 people. In March people who asked are 800 people. In April drastically increases to 1300 people in person. In May there are 1500 people who asked in person. The last one in June, there are 1700 people asked in person. Moving into the questions received by the Tourist Information Office by letter or email. In January there are 750 people asked by letter or email. In February and March people who asked by letter or email are 700. In April there are 550 people. In May and June the tourist who asked by letter or email decreased to 350 people. The last one enquiries about information by telephone. In January there are 850 people. In February decreased to 800 people. In March and April, they have a same numbers are 1000 people. In May increased to 1400 people. Finally in June tourist who asked by telephone is 1600. In conclusion, the questions received the Information Office in person increased in every month. The enquiries about information by letter or email decreased in every month. The last one enquiries about information by telephone the data not consistent.
The graph below indicates the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Office
in one city over a six-month in 2011. The questions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
usually
by 3 ways such as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email me and by telephone.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "lets"?
let's
take a look at the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Office
directly
. In January there are around 450
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. In February increased to 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
March
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
are 800
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
April
drastically
increases to 1300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
May there are 1500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. The last one in June, there are 1700
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
in person.

Moving into the questions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Office
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email. In January there are 750
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email. In February and March
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email are 700.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
April there are 550
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
May and June the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email decreased to 350
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The last one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enquiries
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by telephone. In January there are 850
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In February decreased to 800
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
March and April, they have a same
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "number"?
numbers
are 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
May increased to 1400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
in June
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
asked
by telephone is 1600.

In conclusion
, the questions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Office
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
increased in every month. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
or email decreased in every month. The last one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enquiries
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by telephone the data not consistent.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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