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The graph below shows the monthly profits of 3 British companies in the car retail industry for the 2000 financial year write a report for a university lecturer comparing the performance of acme sports car and Branson motors for the period given

The diagram illustrates the monthly income of the 3 British car companies. Furthermore the 2000 financial year was divided into 4 quarters. Overall it can be seen that Acme sports cars started with the highest sales, while British motors begins with the lowest profit but succeeded Acme sports cars in the continuing quarters. Acme sports cars stood in a profit of 70, 000 pounds, however it gradually declines to 60, 000 in the first two months of the first quarter. Additionally, it significantly drops its sales at the end of the second quarter with just 10, 000 pounds. Interestingly at the beginning of the 3rd quarter, it rose steadily to 20, 000 sales and remained constant throughout the 3rd quarter. Moreover, its sales gradually increased into the end of the financial year with 40, 000 profits. On the other hand, Branson motors has the lowest profit starting with 20, 000 but steadily increased to 40, 000 at the end of the 1st quarter. Whereas, it's profit was unchanged at 60, 000 for the last 2 months of the 2nd quarter. However, in the 3rd quarter, its sales fluctuate and ended the quarter with 50, 000 profits. Subsequentially, it has increased its profits at 60, 000 at the end of the financial year.
The diagram illustrates the monthly income of the 3 British
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car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the 2000 financial year
was divided
into 4
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quarters
.
Overall
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Acme sports
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cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, while British motors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with the lowest
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profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
succeeded Acme sports
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cars
in the continuing quarters.

Acme sports
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cars
stood in a
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profit
of 70, 000 pounds,
however
it
gradually
declines to 60, 000 in the
first
two months of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
Additionally
, it
significantly
drops its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10, 000 pounds.
Interestingly
at the beginning of the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, it rose
steadily
to 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and remained constant throughout the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
Moreover
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
increased into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the financial year with 40, 000 profits.

On the other hand
, Branson motors has the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
starting with 20, 000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steadily
increased to 40, 000 at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the 1st
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
. Whereas,
It seems that the possessive pronoun “its” fits better in this context.
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
was unchanged
at 60, 000 for the last 2 months of the 2nd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
However
, in the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
fluctuate and ended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
with 50, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Subsequentially
, it has increased its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
at 60, 000 at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
of the financial year.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the monthly profits of 3 British companies in the car retail industry for the 2000 financial year write a report for a university lecturer comparing the performance of acme sports car and Branson motors for the period given

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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