Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

The pie charts illustrate the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020. Overall, while the percentage of those employed in their 20s and 40s increased, employment for other ages groups, particularly the over 50s, fell. To begins with the first year, the percentage of under 21 employment rate was 14% in 2015, but it is decreased 2% in 2020 and they stable on 12%. The ratio of employment in 21 to 30 age is increase one in ten because the chart show in 2015 age group 21 to 30 was 23% and in 2020 they increase 10% and the furthermore increases see in the age 41 to 50 thy increase 9%. In addition the age group 31 to 40 employment is very decreased becasue in past the percentage was 21% but in 2020 they decrease one in ten and stable on 11% and the over half age employment rate is also decrease because in 2015 the employment rate was 23% but in 2020 they has decrease 7% and they stable on less then a fifth.
The pie charts illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020.
Overall
, while the percentage of those employed in their 20s and 40s increased,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
groups,
particularly
the over 50s, fell.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with the
first
year, the percentage of under 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate was 14% in 2015,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is decreased
2% in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2020 and
they stable on 12%. The ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in 21 to 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
one in ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in 2015
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group 21 to 30 was 23% and in 2020 they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
10% and the
furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
41 to 50 thy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
9%. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group 31 to 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
decreased
Possible spelling mistake found.
becasue
in past the percentage was 21%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2020 they decrease one in ten and stable on 11% and the over half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate is
also
decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in 2015 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate was 23%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2020 they
The pronoun ‘they’ must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: “have”
has
decrease
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
7% and
they stable on less
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
then
a fifth.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.