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The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

The given chart clarify the age of people who are employed in the public sector in the UK during 2015 and 2020. Overall, a statistic distinctly showed that the age group 21 to 30 increased on one in ten and the over fifty percentage is decreased. Furthermore figure shown that almost a fifth employees percentage is 14 in 2015, but in 2020 they decreased 2% dwindlesed 14% to 12 %. In addition, the pie chart shows a large number of jobs productive percentage, because most of all the age group 21 to 30 and 41 to 50 have happened increasing jobs in 5 years because the chart show the age group of 21 to 30 increased one on ten and the age group of 41 to 50 increased 9%. Moreover, the most of decreased in 31 to 40 age group employment ratio is show in because in 2015 age group 31 to 40 was almost a fifth but in 2020 they decreased one on ten, and also the age group of over half decreased almost one in twenty because in 2015 the employment rate is 23% and in 2020 they less then a fifth.
The
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given
chart clarify the
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age
of
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people
who
are employed
in the public sector in the UK during 2015 and 2020.

Overall
, a statistic
distinctly
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showed
that the
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age
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group
21 to 30 increased on one in ten and the over fifty percentage is
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decreased
.
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Furthermore
figure shown that almost a fifth
An apostrophe may be missing.
employees
percentage is 14 in 2015,
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but
in 2020 they
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decreased
2%
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dwindlesed
14% to 12 %.
In addition
, the pie chart
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shows
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
jobs productive percentage,
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because
most of all the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
21 to 30 and 41 to 50 have happened increasing jobs in 5 years
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because
the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 21 to 30 increased one on ten and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 41 to 50 increased 9%.
Moreover
, the most of
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decreased
in 31 to 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
employment ratio is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in 2015
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
31 to 40 was almost a fifth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2020 they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
one on ten, and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of over half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
almost one in twenty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in 2015 the employment rate is 23% and in 2020 they less
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
then
a fifth.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
194 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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