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The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v.2

The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v. 2
The chart shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. The sales of these games are displayed in dollars. On the chart we can see the biggest volume of selling was by handheld games. In each of the six years shown, no other type of game came even close in selling so much. They were being sold the most during 2006 for 18 billions of dollars in total. In the first year, other than the handheld games, only games sold were made for consoles. They were sold for volume worth almost 6 billions of dollars, but still did not come even close to number of handheld games that year, which sold in total for nearly 12 billions of dollars. The next year, online games started being sold aswell. During their debut year, in total they made around half a billion dollars in sales. In the year 2002, mobile phones finally joined the market. They sold for total of 1 billion dollars. Overall, we can spot the trend of slow increase in total volume of games sold. The exception to the rule were console games. The first year of their selling was also the highest in terms of volume. After 2000, volume of their sales gradually declined. Their lowest was 3 billion dollars in 2006, half of the amount sold in the 2000.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
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different
kinds of digital
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games
from 2000 to 2006. The
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sales
of these
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games
are displayed
in dollars.

On the chart we can
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see
the biggest
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volume
of selling was by handheld
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games
. In each of the six years shown, no other type of game came even close in selling
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so
much. They were
being sold
the most during 2006 for 18
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billions
of
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dollars
in total.

In the
first
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year
, other than the handheld
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games
,
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only
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games
sold
were made
for consoles. They
were sold
for
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volume
worth almost 6
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billions
of
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dollars
,
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but
still
did not
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come
even close to number of handheld
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games
that
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year
, which sold in
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total
for
nearly
12
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billions
of dollars.

The
next
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year
, online
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games
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started
being sold
Possible spelling mistake found.
aswell
. During their debut
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year
, in
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total
they made around half a
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. In the
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year
2002, mobile phones
finally
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joined
the market. They sold for
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total
of 1
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billion
dollars.

Overall
, we can spot the trend of slow increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
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volume
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
sold. The exception to the
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rule
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
console
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games
. The
first
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year
of their selling was
also
the highest in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volume
. After 2000,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volume
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
declined. Their lowest was 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2006, half of the amount sold in the 2000.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
228 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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