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the graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not

the graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not qp7E
The bar chart below compares the average GDP growth in three different types of countries, such as industrialised countries, developing countries adopting a global approach to business or globalisers and non-globalisers from the 1960s to the 1990s. Overall, it can be seen that there was a gradual drop in the average GDP in wealthy countries, whereas the second world countries showed significantly increasing trend. If to look at the average annual gross domestic product growth of developing states, in 1960s it was over 4, 5%, which means that it was the highest percent among 3 types of countries. However, in the last 3 decades it started falling, 1% per decade. By contrast, the average domestic product growth of globalisers began at the lowest position at around 1, 5% in 1960s. Nevertheless, over the 3 decades this figure increased and reached a high of nearly 5, 0% in the 1990s. Regarding non-globalisers, there was a slight increase from nearly 2, 3% in the 1960s to just over 3, 0% in the 1970s. Following this the figure dropped considerably, making it lower than the others, around 1% in the 1980s, and around 1, 5 % in the 1990s.
The bar chart below compares the
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average
GDP growth in three
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different
types of
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countries
, such as
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industrialised
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countries
, developing
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countries
adopting a global approach to business or
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globalisers
and
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non-globalisers
from the 1960s to the 1990s.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was a gradual drop in the
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average
GDP in wealthy
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countries
, whereas the second world
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significantly
increasing trend.

If to look at the
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average
annual gross domestic product growth of developing states,
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1960s".
in 1960s
it was over 4, 5%, which means that it was the highest percent among 3 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, in the last 3 decades it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
falling, 1% per decade. By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
domestic product growth of
Possible spelling mistake found.
globalisers
began at the lowest position at around 1, 5%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1960s".
in 1960s
.
Nevertheless
, over the 3 decades this figure increased and reached a high of
nearly
5, 0% in the 1990s.

Regarding
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-globalisers
, there was a slight increase from
nearly
2, 3% in the 1960s to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 3, 0% in the 1970s. Following this the figure dropped
considerably
, making it lower than the others, around 1% in the 1980s, and around 1, 5 % in the 1990s.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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