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The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012.
The availability of various sweeteners in the USA per capita during 46 years between 1966-2012 is presented in the line chart. Between 1966-1986, the available of Refined cane and beet sugars sweeteners was the highest with 100 pounds, while the other only less than 20 pounds. However, in 1986 the amount of Refined cane and beet sugars showed a dramatic increase to 60 pounds, while one of the Corn sweeteners showed the reverse. Also, sweeteners by Honey and Edible syrups remained reasonably steady throughout the first half of the period, then the total of sweeteners rise gradually. By 2011, the number of Refined cane and beet sugars that available had recovered slightly to around 70 pounds and not leveling off until the end of the period, but the one of Corn had gradually risen with 10 points below the former. However, sweeteners by Honey and Edible syrups had leveled off, and the accumulation of four various sweeteners in the last period fell to 110 pounds. Overall, all of the various sweeteners were fluctuated throughout this period, while the general trend declined. However, the amount of Honey and Edible syrups remained stable, but the total of the sweeteners showed a slight increase.
The availability of various sweeteners in the USA per capita during 46 years between 1966-2012
is presented
in the line chart.

Between 1966-1986,
The phrase 'the available of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the available of
Refined cane and beet sugars sweeteners was the highest with
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
100 pounds
, while the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
.
However
, in 1986 the amount of Refined cane and beet sugars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a dramatic increase to
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
60 pounds
, while one of the Corn sweeteners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the reverse.
Also
, sweeteners by Honey and Edible syrups remained
reasonably
steady throughout the
first
half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, then the total of sweeteners
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "rises"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'rise' is not always incorrect.)
rise
gradually
.

By 2011, the number of Refined cane and beet sugars that available had recovered
slightly
to around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
70 pounds
and not leveling off until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the one of Corn had
gradually
risen with 10 points below the former.
However
, sweeteners by Honey and Edible syrups had leveled off, and the accumulation of four various sweeteners in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
fell to
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
110 pounds
.

Overall
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
various sweeteners
were fluctuated
throughout this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, while the general trend declined.
However
, the amount of Honey and Edible syrups remained stable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the total of the sweeteners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slight increase.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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