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The graph below shows the alcohol related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005

The given table chart depicts the information about the alcohol related lose one' s life in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005. overall it is clear that the highest number died citizens in Czech Republic conversely, the lowest amount of expire masses in Lithuania. Firstly Czech Republic was highest numbered of drank beer 132 liters in 2002. In 2005 the total amount of 1milions of people died alcohol related. The consumed the second highest amount of beer 107 in Germany and the second highest number of people expired (1, 185, 000) due to alcohol intake in 2005. Canada, Estonia, Lithuania, Austria, Ireland masses were drank beer almost same numbered( 86, 98, 91, 106, 104, ) in 2002 furthermore, the alcohol related deadths in Austria was highest than the Canada, Lithuania, Ireland, Estonia. Finally the number of problems was lower than their counterparts.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table chart depicts the information about the
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alcohol
related lose one' s life in 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and the average beer consumption in 2005.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the highest number
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
citizens
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Czech Republic".
in Czech Republic
conversely
, the lowest amount of expire masses in Lithuania.
Firstly
Czech Republic was highest numbered of drank beer 132 liters in 2002. In 2005 the total amount of 1milions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
related. The consumed the second highest amount of beer 107 in Germany and the second highest number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
expired (1, 185, 000) due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
intake in 2005. Canada, Estonia, Lithuania, Austria, Ireland masses were drank beer almost same numbered
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
86, 98, 91, 106, 104,
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
in 2002
furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
related
Possible spelling mistake found.
deadths
in Austria was
Use "higher" to make a comparison with this adjective.
highest
than the Canada, Lithuania, Ireland, Estonia.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the number of problems was lower than their counterparts.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the alcohol related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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