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The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian University in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The given tabular information represents a comparison between rate of employment and average annual salaries on the basis of different areas of study in Australian University in 2009. The data has been calibrated in the terms of percentage and dollar. Overall, it can be seen that Science area had least employment rate and average annual salary as compared to other areas in the given period of time. Now, turning towards the details of employment rate, firstly it can be seen that health area had 93% job rate while in science area that was only 62%. Those who were graduate in law and Engineering and IT had almost same proportion (87% and 86% respectively) of job rate. Similarly, Business and Arts and Social Science had 78% and 72% employment rate, particularly. Moving further, switching to the average annual salary, first of all, health graduates had $42, 000 average salary whereas Science graduates had only $39, 000. Law and Engineering and IT graduates received highest amount of salary that was $59, 000 each and those who were graduate in rest of areas had around $50, 000 salary each year.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tabular information represents a comparison between
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rate
of
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employment
and
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average
annual
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salaries
on the basis of
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different
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areas
of study in Australian University in 2009. The data has
been calibrated
in the terms of percentage and dollar.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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Science
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area
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
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employment
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rate
and
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average
annual
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salary
as compared to other
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areas
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, turning towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
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employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
,
firstly
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that health
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area
had 93% job
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rate
while in
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science
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area
that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
62%. Those who were
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graduate
in law and Engineering and IT had almost same proportion (87% and 86%
respectively
) of job
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rate
.
Similarly
, Business and Arts and Social
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Science
had 78% and 72%
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employment
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rate
,
particularly
. Moving
further
, switching to the
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average
annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, health
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graduates
had $42, 000
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average
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salary
whereas
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Science
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graduates
had
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only
$39, 000. Law and Engineering and IT
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graduates
received
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
amount of
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salary
that was $59, 000 each and those who were
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graduate
in rest of
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areas
had around $50, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
each year.

IELTS academic The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian University in 2009.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The table below gives information about the employment rates and the average annual salaries of new graduates in an Australian University in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.