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The graph below shows number of visitors per months in summer by thousands in 2003.

The graph below shows number of visitors per months in summer by thousands in 2003. p1xX0
The line graph gives information about whole number of each month tourers in summer by thousands. Overall, it can be clearly seen that all summer round, the most visitors travelled in British Museum. About 600 guests visited to British Museum on July and there was sharply increase by 750. But, the next month amount of travellers dropped with 500. There was fluctuation and the numbers reached 650 on September. Turn to Natural History Museum, approximately 550 people went to there on June. After that, between July and August, there was remained stable of just under 400. Then, this figure surged with nearly 480. In Science Museum, number of humans was 400 on June. Then, the guests rate slightly recovered by 300. Considerably less than 500 traveller came upon September.
The line graph gives information about whole number of each month
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourers
in summer by thousands.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that all summer round, the most visitors travelled in British Museum.

About 600 guests visited to British Museum on July and there was
sharply
increase by 750.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
next
month amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
dropped with 500. There was fluctuation and the numbers reached 650 on September.

Turn to Natural History Museum, approximately 550
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
There isn't usually a preposition before "there". Did you mean "went there"?
went to there
on June. After that, between July and August, there
was remained
stable of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 400. Then, this figure surged with
nearly
480. In Science Museum, number of humans was 400 on June. Then, the guests rate
slightly
recovered by 300.
Considerably
less than 500
Possible agreement error. The noun 'traveller' seems to be countable, so consider using: "travellers".
traveller
came upon September.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows number of visitors per months in summer by thousands in 2003.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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