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the graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian childre

the graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian childre MJl6
The bar chart illustrates the participation of 5 to 14-year old children divided by gender in five kinds of leisure activities (skateboarding, bike riding, watching television/videos, electronic and computer games and art and craft) in Australia. Units are measure in percent. Overall, the most popular leisure activity in both gender groups was watching TV or videos. Whereas in terms of girls, the least popular activity was skateboarding, boys preferred art and craft the least. The most significant difference between the participation of boys and girls also can be seen here. In terms of girls, they participated more in art and craft-related activities compared to boys (55% and 35% respectively). In all the other leisure activities - except watching TV or videos, where the rate of participation was equal regarding to both gender groups (100%) - boys' participation was higher. Regarding to the activities that were more preferred by boys, the most significant difference can be observed at electronic and computer games. A slightly more than 80% of boys liked this leisure activity, while only 60% of girls felt the same way. Compared to this, both girls and boys preferred riding bike in their freetime slighly less. The figures here are 58% ad 75% respectively.
The bar chart illustrates the
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participation
of 5 to 14-year
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old
children divided by gender in five kinds of
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leisure
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activities
(skateboarding, bike riding, watching television/videos, electronic and computer games and art and craft) in Australia. Units are measure in percent.

Overall
, the most popular
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in both gender groups was watching TV or videos. Whereas in terms of
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girls
, the least popular
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activity
was skateboarding,
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boys
preferred art and craft the least. The most significant difference between the
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participation
of
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boys
and
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girls
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
here.

In terms of
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girls
, they participated more in art and craft-related
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activities
compared to
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boys
(55% and 35%
respectively
). In all the other
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
except watching TV or videos, where the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
was equal
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
both gender groups (100%)
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
boys'
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participation
was higher.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that were more preferred by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, the most significant difference can
be observed
at electronic and computer games. A
slightly
more than 80% of
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boys
liked this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
felt the same way. Compared to this, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferred riding bike in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
Possible spelling mistake found.
slighly
less. The figures here are 58% ad 75%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic the graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian childre

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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