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The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities by Australian children.

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities by Australian children. XAyw
The illustrated bar graph demonstrates the information regarding the pupils of Australia asset to did activities in free time. Overall, it is noticed that equal number of girls and boys ponder to watch TV and videos in their leisure time. However, least proportion of male young ones did art and craft, whereas least percentage of female youth opine did skateboarding in freetime. It is vividly clear, that in Australia around 39% of boys preferred to did roller blading, whereas only 23% of girl did skateboarding in their freetime. Moreover, bike riding was done by 76% and 59% of males and females, respectively. Furthermore, equal percentage of both genders watched TV and videos that was around100%. Proceeding further, two times more boys and girls asserted to played computer games as compared to the rollerblading that was around 80 and 60%, respectively. Art and craft was done by 56% of girls, yet only 36% of boys pondered to did this activity in their leisure.
The illustrated bar graph demonstrates the information regarding the pupils of Australia asset to did activities in free time.
Overall
, it
is noticed
that equal number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
ponder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV and videos in their leisure time.
However
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
proportion of male young ones did art and craft, whereas least percentage of female youth opine did skateboarding in
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
. It is
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, that in Australia around 39% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferred to did roller
Possible spelling mistake found.
blading
, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
23% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "went skateboarding".
did skateboarding
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
.
Moreover
, bike riding
was done
by 76% and 59% of males and females,
respectively
.
Furthermore
, equal percentage of both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV and videos that was around100%. Proceeding
further
, two times more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
asserted to played computer games as compared to the rollerblading that was around 80 and 60%,
respectively
. Art and craft
was done
by 56% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
,
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
36% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
pondered
Did you mean "to do"?
to did
this activity in their leisure.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities by Australian children.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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