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The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. LpmV
The graph illustrates data changes in the birth and death percentage in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101. The grah was measured in Units. Overall, death experienced a upward trend while birth showed a downward trend throughout the period. Firstly, the number of birth rates increased gradually from 20 to 40 in the first three years. However, in the year 1961 the rates increased rapidly about three quarter, while it decreased quickly in 1981 around less than half. Again, birth rates slowly declined just under fifty in the year 2001. In addition, the rate will be moderately rose in the year 2021. Also, there will be fluctuations in over the next four years as shown in figure. At the beginning of the period, the rate of death has some alter from roughly 9 to 15 in the first three years. Moreover, the percentage has slightly increased in the next two years from 20 to 25. Also, In the year 2001, death ratio has climbed less than a third. Likewise, in case of death, the predication shows that there will be rocketed from 2021 to 2041. Although the rates increased rapidly, death rates will had few vary at the end of the period.
The graph illustrates data
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changes
in the
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birth
and death percentage in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101. The
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grah
was measured
in Units.

Overall
, death experienced
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend while
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birth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend throughout the period.
Firstly
, the number of
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birth
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rates
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increased
gradually
from 20 to 40 in the
first
three years.
However
, in the
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year
1961 the
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rates
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increased
rapidly
about
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three quarter
, while it decreased
quickly
in 1981 around less than half. Again,
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birth
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rates
slowly
declined
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just
under fifty in the
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year
2001.
In addition
, the
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rate
will be
moderately
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
in the
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year
2021.
Also
, there will be fluctuations in over the
next
four years as shown in figure. At the beginning of the period, the
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rate
of death has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alter from roughly 9 to 15 in the
first
three years.
Moreover
, the percentage has
slightly
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increased
in the
next
two years from 20 to 25.
Also
, In the
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year
2001, death ratio has climbed less than a third.
Likewise
, in case of death, the predication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there will
be rocketed
from 2021 to 2041. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
rapidly
, death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
will had few vary at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
202 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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