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The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. 6r5K
The given table illustrated the percentage of women participating in senior management in Eldan Ltd, Bamforth Ltd and Finsbury Ltd from 1975 to 2015. As the overview, Eldan Ltd had significant role. Because in the begging of the period it showed the fewest percentage and the peak amount depicted in currently. According to the table, in the first three years the biggest value got the Finsbury Ltd, that was 15%. The least contributing of women in 1975 as well as 1980 was 3 percent in Eldan Ltd. It gave one third of Bamforth in 1975. Fourteen percent of women workes as Managers in 1980's. In addition, approximately 12% of portion as in senior position at Bamforth Ltd between 80 and 85. The highest figure showed the Finsbury Ltd of 16% in 1975. Meanwhile, in the last three years Finsbury had a constant percentages, its about 25. Eldan Ltd had been giving a noticeable increment as 28%, 33% and 64% respectively up to 2015. Women were worked in the top level in 1990 to 2000 were 15% and 17% while ultimately, top amount of Bamforth Ltd in 2015 was 46%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrated the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
participating in senior management in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
Ltd,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
Ltd and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
Ltd from 1975 to 2015.

As the overview,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
Ltd had significant role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in the begging of the period it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the fewest percentage and the peak amount depicted in
currently
.

According to the table, in the
first
three years the biggest value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
Ltd, that was 15%. The least contributing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 1975
as well
as 1980 was 3 percent in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
Ltd. It gave one third of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
in 1975. Fourteen percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "works", the plural form of the noun 'work'?
workes
as Managers
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980's".
in 1980's
.
In addition
, approximately 12% of portion as in senior position at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
Ltd between 80 and 85. The highest figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
Ltd of 16% in 1975.

Meanwhile, in the last three years
Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
had a constant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "percentage"?
percentages
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
about 25.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
Ltd had been giving a noticeable increment as 28%, 33% and 64%
respectively
up to 2015.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
were worked
in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
in 1990 to 2000 were 15% and 17% while
ultimately
, top amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
Ltd in 2015 was 46%.

IELTS academic The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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