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electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France eg2G
The graph illustrates the different types of fuels used to produce electricity in Australia and France between the year 1980 to 2000. In Australia coal has been the most popular and used source to produce electricity, it rose from 50 units up to 130 units from 1980 to 2000. Hydro power in the other hand rose from 20 units to 36 units in the time duration of 20 years. There was a surprising decrease in utilization of natural gas and oil from 20units and 10 units to 2 units of each, respectively. The Most efficiently used source in France has been nuclear power over the years it increased from 15 units to 126 units from 1980 to 2000. The usage of coal remained the same i. e. , 25 units, whereas utilization of oil increased by 5 units from 20 to 25 units in 2000. There was a significant drop in the units of natural gas as it dropped off to 2units and so did the hydro power in the year 2000. In conclusion the least used fuel for production of electricity in both the countries was natural gas in the year 2000. Although major unit of electricity was produced by coal in Australia and nuclear power in France which contributed to more than 50% of the units produced in both countries.
The graph illustrates the
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different
types of fuels
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used
to produce
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electricity
in Australia and France between the
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year
1980 to 2000.

In Australia coal has been the most popular and
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used
source to produce
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electricity
, it rose from 50
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units
up to 130
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units
from 1980 to 2000. Hydro
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power
in the other hand rose from 20
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units
to 36
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units
in the time duration of 20 years. There was a surprising decrease in utilization of natural gas and oil from
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20units
and 10
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units
to 2
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units
of each,
respectively
.

The Most
efficiently
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used
source in France has been nuclear
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power
over the years it increased from 15
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units
to 126
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units
from 1980 to 2000. The usage of coal remained the same
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i. e.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
25
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units
, whereas utilization of oil increased by 5
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units
from 20 to 25
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units
in 2000. There was a significant drop in the
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units
of natural gas as it dropped off to
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2units
and
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so
did the hydro
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power
in the
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year
2000.

In conclusion
the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
fuel for production of
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electricity
in both the countries was natural gas in the
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year
2000. Although major
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unit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was produced
by coal in Australia and nuclear
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power
in France which contributed to more than 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
produced in both countries.
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IELTS academic electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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