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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. 2bQK6
The graph shows that using new music sites on the internet in 15 days period of time namely music choice and trendy pop parade. The overall trends shows fluctuation with slight increased towards the end of period. At the beginning music choice site has been visited by over 40, 000 people on first day, its been half of them in the next day. Whereas for pop parade site 120, 000 people has been visited on the first day and its been continued for next two days. While on 3rd day 60, 000 people visited personal choice site and again declined to 20, 000 people on the 4th day. on the 7th day the pop parade site is drastically reduced to around 30, 000 people for the visit of site. On the other hand music choice is remain same at 20, 000 people for visit of site with some fluctuation. Pop parade site is rapidly increased on an over 1. 5 million people for the visit of site on the 11th day, whereas for music choice 0. 3 million people visited and on the next day it has been increased to 1. 2 million people, whereas for pop parade gradually decline to 0. 9 million people On the 15th day of the website visit music choice decline to 0. 7 million with fluctuation and pop parade increased further more increased up to 1. 70 million with fluctuation.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that using new
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music
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sites
on the internet in 15 days period of time
namely
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music
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choice
and trendy pop
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parade
. The
overall
trends
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shows
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fluctuation
with slight
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increased
towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.

At the beginning
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music
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choice
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site
has been
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visited
by over 40, 000
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people
on
first
day,
Did you mean "it's" (="it has") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
been half of them in the
next
day. Whereas for pop
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parade
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site
120, 000
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been
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visited
on the
first
day and
Did you mean "it's" (="it has") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
been continued
for
next
two days. While on 3rd day 60, 000
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people
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visited
personal
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choice
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site
and again declined to 20, 000
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people
on the 4th day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the 7th day the pop
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parade
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site
is
drastically
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reduced
to around 30, 000
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people
for the
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visit
of
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site
.
On the other hand
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music
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choice
is
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
same at 20, 000
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people
for
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visit
of
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site
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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fluctuation
. Pop
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parade
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site
is
rapidly
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increased
on an over 1. 5
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million
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people
for the
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visit
of
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site
on the 11th day, whereas for
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music
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choice
0. 3
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million
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people
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visited
and on the
next
day it has been
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increased
to 1. 2
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million
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people
, whereas for pop
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parade
gradually
decline to 0. 9
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


On the 15th day of the website
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
decline to 0. 7
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million
with
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fluctuation
and pop
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parade
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increased
further
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
up to 1. 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fluctuation
.

IELTS academic The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
236 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.