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The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. GMd9o
The below figures illustrate what UK graduates and post graduates did, who did not go into full-time employment after leaving college in 2008. To begin with, maximum graduates (29, 665) who did not go into full-time work opted for further studies. while, some of them (16, 235) were unemployed. A slightly higher than unemployed (17, 735) choose to go for part-time work whereas, a small proportion showed interest in voluntary work. On the other hand, almost same scenario was with postgraduates and majority of them (2725) opted for further study. 2535 number of postgraduates took part-time work whereas 1625 postgraduates were unemployed. A small ratio (345) also showed interest in voluntary work. To sum up, the maximum students who did not made their career in job went for higher studies. whereas, some choose to go for part time job and a few of them took voluntary work.
The below figures illustrate what UK graduates and post graduates did, who did not go into full-time employment after leaving college in 2008.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, maximum graduates (29, 665) who did not go into full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
opted for
further
studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them (16, 235)
were unemployed
. A
slightly
higher than unemployed (17, 735) choose to go for part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
whereas, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
interest in voluntary work.

On the other hand
, almost same scenario was with postgraduates and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them (2725) opted for
further
study. 2535 number of postgraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
whereas 1625 postgraduates
were unemployed
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ratio (345)
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
interest in voluntary work.

To sum up, the maximum students who did not made their career in job went for higher studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to go for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job and a few of them took voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.

IELTS academic The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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