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the graph above shows unemployment rate of us and japan between march 1993 and march 1999

the graph above shows unemployment rate of us and japan between march 1993 and march 1999 xmp81
The line graph gives data of jobless people in US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999 Overall unemployment rate in US was highest in March 1993 and the lowest in the the beginning of the 1990 was Japan was experiencing workers problem most clearing 1998 and least in start of 1993 In March 1993 unemployment rate in Japan was approximately 2. 4 % however us had about 27 % jobless people rate which was more than double of Japan additional at the beginning of March 1995 growth of the jobless employee was suddenly search till March 1996. Us graph depicted from March 1993 to 1999 unemployment rate had fluctuated and goes downward. Where is Japan went off words with fluctuation in addition unemployment rate had meet at 5% off both the country at the end of year
The line graph gives data of jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in US and
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Japan
from March 1993 to March 1999

Overall
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unemployment
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rate
in US was highest in March 1993 and the lowest in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
beginning of the 1990 was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was experiencing workers problem most clearing 1998 and least in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of 1993

In March 1993
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was approximately 2. 4 %
however
us had about 27 % jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
which was more than double of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
additional at the beginning of March 1995 growth of the jobless employee was
suddenly
Consider using a past participle here: "searched".
search
till March 1996.

Us graph depicted from March 1993 to 1999
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
had fluctuated and goes downward.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
went off words with fluctuation
in addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at 5% off both the country at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
year
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IELTS academic the graph above shows unemployment rate of us and japan between march 1993 and march 1999

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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