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The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.2

The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2
The line graph illustrats the amount of fish and deffrent kinds of meat conumption by per person per week in European country from 1979 to 2004. Overall, the consumption of beef, lamb and fish ware decreased while the chicken consumption was increased throughout the period. Fish consumption was still same in those period. At the beginning of the period, per week each European people eat around 220 gram Beef which was the highest amount consumption in 1979. It slightly increased to about 230 grams in 1989 and then it dramatically decline reached almost 100 grams in 2004. Fish was the lowest consumption in 1979 which was over 50 grams and it decreased to about 40 gram which was the lowest amount of consumption at the end of the period. On the other hand, in European country per people consume chicken and lamb was around 150 gram in 1979. The amount of chicken consumption was dramatically increased to about 250 grams in 2000. The consumption of lamb was 150 grams in 1979 and it significantly decline to about 80 grams in 2000.
The line graph
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illustrats
the
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amount
of fish and
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deffrent
kinds of meat
Possible spelling mistake found.
conumption
by per person per week in European country from 1979 to 2004.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of beef, lamb and fish ware decreased while the chicken
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consumption
was increased
throughout the period. Fish
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consumption
was
still
same in those period.

At the beginning of the period, per week each European
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
eat around 220
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gram
Beef which was the highest
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amount
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consumption
in 1979. It
slightly
increased to about 230
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grams
in 1989 and then it
dramatically
Did you mean "declines"?
decline
reached almost 100
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grams
in 2004. Fish was the lowest
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consumption
in 1979 which was over 50
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grams
and it decreased to about 40
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "grams".
gram
which was the lowest
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amount
of
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consumption
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

On the other hand
, in European country per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume chicken and lamb was around 150
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "grams".
gram
in 1979. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of chicken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
was
dramatically
increased to about 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2000. The
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consumption
of lamb was 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 1979 and it
significantly
Did you mean "declines"?
decline
to about 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2000.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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