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The graph above show information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005

The bar chart compares a survey on occupation rates among 6 countries for two genders in 1995 and 2005. It is clear that Iceland had the most job rates for males, while, Switzerland saw the biggest vocation rates for females, and the lowest percentage belonged to New Zealand. The proportion of female’s rates was noticeably less than males in each countries, but the figures for females increased dramatically after 1995. In 1995, employment’s Iceland rates close to 80 percent, and also this country created more jobs than another, however, Switzerland was by far the most important means of employment rates for females in 1995 and 2005. Based on this survey, Australia and New Zealand had approximately same percentage (25%) in 1995, and ten years later, their amounts increased around 40 percentage. On other hand, the trend for UK, New Zealand and USA had similar rates for males which were almost 70 percent each in 2005, whereas, this proportion for females was a bit different, and the lowest one belonged to New Zealand.
The bar chart compares a survey on occupation
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rates
among 6 countries for two genders in 1995 and 2005. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Iceland had the most job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
for males, while, Switzerland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the biggest vocation
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rates
for
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females
, and the lowest percentage belonged to
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New
Zealand.

The proportion of
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female’s
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rates
was
noticeably
less than males in each
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “country”?
countries
,
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but
the figures for
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females
increased
dramatically
after 1995. In 1995, employment’s Iceland
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rates
close to 80 percent, and
also
this country created more jobs than another,
however
, Switzerland was by far the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
means of employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in 1995 and 2005.

Based on this survey, Australia and
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New
Zealand had approximately same percentage (25%) in 1995, and ten years later, their amounts increased around 40 percentage. On other hand, the trend for UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand and USA had similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
for males which were almost 70 percent each in 2005, whereas, this proportion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
was a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and the lowest one belonged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand.
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IELTS academic The graph above show information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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