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The grapg shows the value of company in dollar selling farming equipment in year 1960 and prediction for 2012

The grapg shows the value of company in dollar selling farming equipment in year 1960 and prediction for 2012 r819n
The bar graph provide the data on the value of three similar company selling agriculture machinery from 1960 and there expected value in 2012. To embark with, Greenacres LTD was the most the most valued company in the year 1960 by 2000 dollar which increased by 1. 5 times in next five years and reached around 3000 dollars. After that value started increase gradually over the years and reach at top in 1990 by 4. 3 million however, this fall down drastically by 50%, after that in future it is expected that it will rise again to 4300 dollars in 2012. Furthermore, the Farm implement started its company in the year 1980 with a value of about 900 dollar, After that, there is linear increase in the growth rate and become the most valued company in just 27 years and surpass the green acre LTD by 100 thousand dollars. However, it is predicted that in 2012, it will be 2nd most renoved company with the price of 3400 dollars. Moreover, Carsons LTD value was almost steady throught the year ranging from 0. 5million in the year 1960 to 1. 2 million dollar and it expected to remain same till 2012. To Conclude all, it can be observe that, there was an upward trend in both Green acres and Farm ltd implement while Carson LTD shows the constancy over the year
The bar graph provide the data on the
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value
of three similar
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company
selling agriculture machinery from 1960 and there
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expected
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value
in 2012.

To embark with,
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Greenacres
LTD was
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "the most".
the most the most
valued
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company
in the
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year
1960 by 2000
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dollar
which increased by 1. 5 times in
next
five years and reached around 3000
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dollars
. After that
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value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increase
gradually
over the years and reach at top in 1990 by 4. 3 million
however
, this fall down
drastically
by 50%, after that in future it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that it will rise again to 4300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2012.

Furthermore
, the Farm implement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
its
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company
in the
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year
1980 with a
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value
of about 900
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
, After that, there is linear increase in the growth rate and become the most valued
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company
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
27 years and surpass the green acre LTD by 100 thousand
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dollars
.
However
, it
is predicted
that in 2012, it will be 2nd most
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renoved
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company
with the price of 3400
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dollars
.
Moreover
,
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Carsons
LTD
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value
was almost steady
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throught
the
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year
ranging from 0. 5million in the
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year
1960 to 1. 2 million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to remain same till 2012.

To Conclude
all, it can be
Consider using the past participle "observed"?
observe
that, there was an upward trend in both Green acres and Farm ltd implement while Carson LTD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the constancy over the
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year

IELTS academic The grapg shows the value of company in dollar selling farming equipment in year 1960 and prediction for 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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