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The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010. 56Aee
The graph illustrate that the percentage of workers doing part time job in countries like England, Northern, Ireland, Scotland, Wales in 1980 and 2010. Overall, in United Kingdom the Wales is the highest percentage and lowest is Scotland. The first, third and fourth countries are increasing comparing to 1980 and 2010, only northern Ireland is decreasing. In England part time job workers are nearly 25 percentage in 1980 coming to 2010 they are less 32 percentage. After that Northern Ireland is, more than 14 percentage in 1980 and nearly 12 percentage in 2010. Coming to Scotland approximately 11percenatge in 1980 as well as closely to 20 percentage in 2010. Next, Wales are highest growth percentage in 1980 and also in 2010. Comparing to all united Kingdom countries area increasing year by year and growing and falling the graph. I observed in 2010 that is England and Wales Percentage are closer when comparing to all.
The graph
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of workers doing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job in countries like England, Northern, Ireland, Scotland, Wales in 1980 and 2010.

Overall
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
the Wales is the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and lowest is Scotland. The
first
, third and fourth countries are increasing comparing to 1980 and 2010,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
northern Ireland
is decreasing.

In England
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job workers are
nearly
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1980 coming to 2010 they are less 32
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. After that Northern Ireland is, more than 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1980 and
nearly
12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 2010.

Coming to Scotland approximately 11percenatge in 1980
as well
as
closely
to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 2010.
Next
, Wales are
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1980 and
also
in 2010. Comparing to all
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united Kingdom
countries area increasing year by year and growing and falling the graph. I observed in 2010
that is
England and Wales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Percentage
are closer when comparing to all.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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