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The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.

The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005. 6xde8
The bar graph indicates the percentage of workforce by Gender and type of work in the UK in the year 2005. To begin with, the most popular job among females is administrative and secretarial with doing rates roughly 23%. A 20% males do skilled trades occupation, which is clearly their favourite occupation but a small number of women do this work. In personal service sector nearly 14% female doing this job and hardly any male do job in this sector. However, other occupations such as professional, Association professional and Technical, and electronic have quite less popularity and less than 15% of male and female do this job. In process plant and machin operatives approximately 12% men and less number of women take part in this job, which is nearly 2%. Overall, in both the gender have different choosing option to select a job. More man doing Skilled traders job and women do administrative and secretarial job.
The bar graph indicates the percentage of workforce by Gender and type of work in the UK in the year 2005.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
among females is administrative and secretarial with doing rates roughly 23%. A 20% males do skilled trades occupation, which is
clearly
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
occupation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of women do this work. In personal service sector
nearly
14% female doing this
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job
and hardly any male do
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job
in this sector.
However
, other occupations such as professional, Association professional and Technical, and electronic have quite less popularity and less than 15% of male and female do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In process plant and
Possible spelling mistake found.
machin
operatives approximately 12%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and less number of women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this
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job
, which is
nearly
2%.

Overall
, in both the gender have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choosing option to select a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
doing Skilled traders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and women do administrative and secretarial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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