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the grap below show information about issues people when they move to foreign countries

the grap below show information about issues people when they move to foreign countries AgeKe
The bar chart gives information about the issues people have when they move to foreign countries. Overall, from the graph it is clear that all age groups experience the same difficulties. The proportion of older people who have problem with finding school for their children is far lower than that of the others; while the greatest problem for people aged 35 to 54 is sorting out healthcare. It can be seen from the graph that the biggest issues for young people aged 18 to 34 is sorting out finances, with 35%. However, almost 30 % of over 55 years old group find it hard to manage finances, while 35 to 54 years old group accounts for exactly 35% of this problem. Over 35% of people aged 35 to 54 who find it difficult to sort out healthcare, at around 37%. In comparison, the youngest age group accounts for about 31% of this problem. The former is 6% higher than the latter. In addition, the proportion of older people is 36% of this issue. The least significant problem for people aged over 55 is finding school for their children, with around 2%, while nearly 20% of 35 to 54 years old group has this problem. The percentage of people aged 35 to 54 is approximately ten times higher than that of older people.
The bar chart gives information about the issues
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people
have when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to foreign countries.

Overall
, from the graph it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all age
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groups
experience the same difficulties. The proportion of older
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people
who have
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problem
with finding school for their children is far lower than that of the others; while the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
35 to 54 is sorting out healthcare.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the biggest issues for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
18 to 34 is sorting out finances, with 35%.
However
, almost 30 % of over 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage finances, while 35 to 54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
accounts for exactly 35% of this problem.

Over 35% of
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people
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aged
35 to 54 who find it difficult to sort out healthcare, at around 37%.
In comparison
, the youngest age
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group
accounts for about 31% of this
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problem
. The former is 6% higher than the latter.
In addition
, the proportion of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is 36% of this issue.

The least significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
over 55 is finding school for their children, with around 2%, while
nearly
20% of 35 to 54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
has this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
35 to 54 is approximately ten times higher than that of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.

IELTS academic the grap below show information about issues people when they move to foreign countries

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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