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The bar graph below gives information on how many foreign languages were studied by secondary students in five different European countries in 2013.

The bar graph below gives information on how many foreign languages were studied by secondary students in five different European countries in 2013. 2a1YJ
The diagram compares the information about foreign languages which secondary students learned in 5 particular countries in Europe in 2013 and it is measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that, while pupils mostly wanted to study several languages in France, but the rate of Denmark was witnessed the downward trend during the year. In France although the proportion of one language studied comprised at one fifth but this figure was much greater at under 60% in Spain. In addition to this, Bulgaria and Germany were equal to reach at about 40% acvording to this trend. In 2013 the indication of pupils learned 2 or more languages was experienced the upward level at 75% and 60% respectively in France and Bulgaria. The figures for other countries were under 30% with exception being Spain at 24%. Finally, Denmark was just over larger than 4 other countries depending on the share of students studied no language.
The diagram compares the information about foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
which secondary students learned in 5 particular countries in Europe in 2013 and it
is measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, while pupils
mostly
wanted to study several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in France,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the rate of Denmark
was witnessed
the downward trend during the year.

In France although the proportion of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
studied comprised at one fifth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this figure was much greater at under 60% in Spain.
In addition
to this, Bulgaria and Germany were equal to reach at about 40%
Possible spelling mistake found.
acvording
to this trend.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2013 the indication of pupils learned 2 or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
was experienced
the upward level at 75% and 60%
respectively
in France and Bulgaria. The figures for other countries were under 30% with exception being Spain at 24%.
Finally
, Denmark was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over larger than 4 other countries depending on the share of students studied no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below gives information on how many foreign languages were studied by secondary students in five different European countries in 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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