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The giving diagrams illustrate the life cycle of Salmon

The giving diagrams illustrate the life cycle of Salmon Myq8a
The giving diagrams illustrate the life cycle of Salmon. As an overall trend it is clear that the first diagram includes different locations of Salomon's living starting with upper river and finishing with open sea, and the second one indicate different size of its body during it's life. The Salomon’s life commences when the Salomon eggs after approximately Five or six months being in the slow moving water of upper river inin the vicinity of reeds and small Turn into the fries which have 3_ 8 cm length. Following that fry's immigrate to the lower river for four years to be exposed to the fast following waters in the river. In the next stage, grown up fries called Smolts with 12_15 cm lentgh move into the open sea for approximately 5 years. finally, The adult summons appeal with the length of 17 _ 76 sentiment moving to the upper rivers for laying eggs and the cycle starts over again.
The giving diagrams illustrate the life cycle of Salmon.

As an
overall
trend it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
first
diagram includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations of Salomon's living starting with upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
and finishing with open sea, and the second one indicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
size of its body during
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun)?
it's
life.

The Salomon’s life commences when the Salomon eggs after approximately Five or six months being in the slow moving water of upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
Possible spelling mistake found.
inin
the vicinity of reeds and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Turn into the fries which have 3_ 8 cm length. Following that fry's immigrate to the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
for four years to
be exposed
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
following waters in the river.

In the
next
stage, grown up fries called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smolts
with 12_15 cm
Possible spelling mistake found.
lentgh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the open sea for approximately 5 years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, The adult summons appeal with the length of 17 _ 76 sentiment moving to the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
for laying eggs and the cycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
over again.
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IELTS academic The giving diagrams illustrate the life cycle of Salmon

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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