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Percentage of household budget for necessities in China

Percentage of household budget for necessities in China yD7VD
An inspection of the data in the pie chart clearly showed from 1995, the highest percentage of food. It was showed the proportion of 68% and in 2011, the food category had the proportion of 59%. It was slightly decline as compare to 1995 in China. In China people spent money on clothing had been similar in both years 1995 and 2011. It was 19% and 18%of clothing. However, the household products and medicine category had started at 9% and 4% in 1995 from China. In 2011, the household goods and medicine had been slightly increased 12% and 11%. Overall, in both years food was highest ratio and medicine had lowest proportion.
An inspection of the data in the pie chart
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
from 1995, the highest percentage of food. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the proportion of 68% and in 2011, the food category had the proportion of 59%. It was
slightly
decline as compare to 1995 in China. In China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent money on clothing had been similar in both years 1995 and 2011. It was 19% and 18%of clothing.
However
, the household products and medicine category had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 9% and 4% in 1995 from China. In 2011, the household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and medicine had been
slightly
increased 12% and 11%.
Overall
, in both
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "years'" or "year's"?
years
food was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ratio and medicine had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
proportion.
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IELTS academic Percentage of household budget for necessities in China

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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