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The given pie charts shows the shopping sales in four different sectors in the year 2003 and 2013.

The given pie charts shows the shopping sales in four different sectors in the year 2003 and 2013. 7LA5X
The given pie charts elucidate the online shopping sales which are being done in four different sectors i. e. travel, music/film, books, and clothes in two different years(2003 and 2013). Travel and music/film secured the largest proportion in both the years. In 2003, 36% of the total sales were travel-related but in 2013, its sales dropped by 7%. The second major sector in 2003 was clothes, which accounted for 24% of the sales and it suffered a decline by 8% in 2013. In the film/music industry a drastic increase occurred from the year 2003 to 2013 by 12% and became the 2nd major sector whereas the books sector suffered a marginal increase from 2003 to 2013 of just 3%. In conclusion, it is clear that between 2003 and 2013, the online sales of travel and clothing in New Zealand had dropped significantly, while the sales in music/film and books had grown.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts elucidate the online shopping
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sales
which are
being done
in four
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different
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sectors
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
travel, music/film, books, and clothes in two
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different
years(2003 and 2013). Travel and music/film secured the largest proportion in both the years.

In 2003, 36% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were travel-related
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2013, its
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sales
dropped by 7%. The second major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in 2003 was clothes, which accounted for 24% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and it suffered a decline by 8% in 2013.

In the film/music industry a drastic increase occurred from the year 2003 to 2013 by 12% and became the 2nd major
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sector
whereas the books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
suffered a marginal increase from 2003 to 2013 of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
3%.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that between 2003 and 2013, the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of travel and clothing in New Zealand had dropped
significantly
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in music/film and books had grown.
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IELTS academic The given pie charts shows the shopping sales in four different sectors in the year 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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