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The given pie charts compare worker populations among three industries of two Town A and Town B.

The given pie charts compare worker populations among three industries of two Town A and Town B. 6BPx
The given pie charts compare worker populations among three industries of two Town A and Town B. Over the years, both towns saw a tremendous negative shift in the manufacturing aspect and a sharp increase of the service sector. Even though the trends are similar between town A and B, it is noticeable that each town carries distinct industrial strength. In 1960, it can be detected that manufacturing played a major role in town A and town B’s business division. Nevertheless, the two economies drastically transformed into a service orientated market after 7 decades as the proportion of manufacturing industry dropped by half for town A and one fourth for town B, meanwhile, that of the service sector doubled in size for both towns. Despite the above movement, the manufacturing industry of town B maintained the largest slice of the pie chart from 1960 to 2010. On the contrary, town A became a service-heavy market with over 64% share in the latest charts. Discussing the sales sector after 70 years, while half of its proportion was abolished in town A, the momentum of that in town B witnessed a slight incline of 2%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts compare worker populations among three industries of two
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Town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Town
B.

Over the years, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a tremendous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
shift in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
aspect and a sharp increase of the service sector.
Even though
the trends are similar between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and B, it is noticeable that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
carries distinct industrial strength.

In 1960, it can
be detected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
played a major role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B’s business division.
Nevertheless
, the two economies
drastically
transformed into a service orientated market after 7 decades as the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
industry dropped by half for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and one fourth for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, meanwhile, that of the service sector doubled in size for both towns.

Despite the above movement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
industry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B maintained the largest slice of the pie chart from 1960 to 2010.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A became a service-heavy market with over 64% share in the latest charts.

Discussing the sales sector after 70 years, while half of its proportion
was abolished
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A, the momentum of that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B witnessed a slight incline of 2%.
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IELTS academic The given pie charts compare worker populations among three industries of two Town A and Town B.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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