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The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. v.2

The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. v. 2
The pie charts compare Americans' expenditure in 7 different categories namely food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books in 1966 with that of 1996. Overall, the least significant percentage of spending by Americans went on computers in 1966 while the food cost them the highest percentage. After three decades, cars became the largest segment of expenses by American residents and the smallest segment was spent on books, percentage-wise. Cars accounted for 23 percent of expenses by Americans in 1966 and after thirty years, this ratio remarkably increased to 45%. The expense of dining out in 1966 was 7 percent and it had doubled in 1996 (14%). Only 1 percent of the American population's money went on purchasing computers but this figure rose to 10 percent in 1996. Food comprised 44 percent of all the expenses made by Americans in 1966, and it fell to 14 percent in 1996. In 1966, petrol and furniture outlay was at 9 percent and 10 percent respectively and remained relatively unchanged over a 30-year period. Lastly, expenditure on books had plunged from 6 percent to 1 percent at the end of the period.
The pie charts compare Americans' expenditure in 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories
namely
food, cars, petrol, restaurants, furniture, computers and books in 1966 with that of 1996.
Overall
, the least significant percentage of spending by Americans went on computers in 1966 while the food cost them the highest percentage. After three decades, cars became the largest segment of expenses by American residents and the smallest segment
was spent
on books, percentage-wise.

Cars accounted for 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of expenses by Americans in 1966 and after thirty years, this ratio
remarkably
increased to 45%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
of dining out in 1966 was 7
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percent
and it had doubled in 1996 (14%).
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the American population's money went on purchasing computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this figure rose to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1996. Food comprised 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of all the expenses made by Americans in 1966, and it fell to 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1996. In 1966, petrol and furniture outlay was at 9
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percent
and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
and remained
relatively
unchanged over a 30-year period.
Lastly
, expenditure on books had plunged from 6
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percent
to 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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