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The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010. overall, it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased, while by stream increased over the v.1

The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010. overall, it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased, while by stream increased over the v. 1
The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010. overall, it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased, while by stream increased over the given time period. In 2011, about 55% of music were sold by CD, while at about 33 and 5 percent were sold through downloads and streams respectively From that year onwards, the amount of CD music sold, fell slowly reaching almost a quarter in the year 2018. Similarly, the percentage of songs sold via downloads experienced a decline, although it stops at above 30% in 2011, the figure then rose slightly to almost 42% in the year 2014 before falling significantly to 30percent at the end of the year. On the other hand; the rate of songs sold via streams continued to rise steadily over the given period of time to finish at almost 40 percentage in the year 2018 which became the highest proportion of music sold.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph illustrates the proportion of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sold by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2011 and 2010".
between 2011 to 2010
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sold through download and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
decreased, while by stream increased over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.

In 2011, about 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
were sold
by CD, while at about 33 and 5 percent
were sold
through downloads and streams
respectively
From that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
onwards, the amount of CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sold, fell
slowly
reaching almost a quarter in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2018.

Similarly
, the percentage of songs sold via downloads experienced a decline, although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
at above 30% in 2011, the figure then rose
slightly
to almost 42% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
significantly
to 30percent at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.

On the other hand
; the rate of songs sold via streams continued to rise
steadily
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time to finish at almost 40 percentage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2018 which became the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sold.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010. overall, it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased, while by stream increased over the v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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