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the given bar graph shows the percentage of boys and girls taking the foreign language in the english spoken country

the given bar graph shows the percentage of boys and girls taking the foreign language in the english spoken country XDLOO
The given bar graphs, illustrates the proportion of the boys and girls having the age group of 14-16 years, who are studying a modern foreign language in an English spoken country. The top three languages opt are French, German, and Spanish, among which French is most popular out of three given languages. The percentage of the girls who had shown their interest in studying the foreign languages is much greater than boys. It was around 50% of the girls who had choose to study the foreign language in 1984 whereas it was only 30% for the boys, however these percentage kept on decreasing for the year 2007 by having only 40% and 25%, girls and boys respectively. Among the 3 languages, French was the most favorite language chosen by 50% of the students in the year 1984, this value was halved and became 25% by 2007. German also lost its popularity which was having 20% in the year 1984 to 15% by 2007. However, Spanish increased its popularity with time, it was 5% in 1984 that reached to 10% by the year 2007, surprisingly these was the only language that grew its popularity over time. Overall, there was maximum French learners and the minimum Spanish learner in the given years.
The
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given
bar graphs, illustrates the proportion of the
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boys
and
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girls
having the age group of 14-16 years, who are studying a modern foreign
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language
in an English spoken country. The top three
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languages
opt are French, German, and Spanish, among which French is most popular out of three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
languages.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
percentage of the
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girls
who had shown their interest in studying the foreign
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languages
is much greater than
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boys
. It was around 50% of the
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girls
who had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "chosen".
choose
to study the foreign
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language
in 1984 whereas it was
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only
30% for the
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boys
,
however
Did you mean "this percentage" or "these percentages"?
these percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on decreasing for the
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year
2007 by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% and 25%,
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girls
and
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boys
respectively
.

Among the 3
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languages
, French was the most favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
chosen by 50% of the students in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1984, this value
was halved
and became 25% by 2007. German
also
lost its popularity which was having 20% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1984 to 15% by 2007.
However
, Spanish increased its popularity with time, it was 5% in 1984 that reached to 10% by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007,
surprisingly
these was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that grew its popularity over time.

Overall
, there was maximum French learners and the minimum Spanish learner in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
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IELTS academic the given bar graph shows the percentage of boys and girls taking the foreign language in the english spoken country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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