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The given 2 pie charts illustrates the percentage of industry sectors's contribution to the financial state of turkey in 2 years (2000 and 2016)

The given 2 pie charts illustrates the percentage of industry sectors's contribution to the financial state of turkey in 2 years (2000 and 2016) pXeQ2
The given 2 pie charts illustrates the percentage of industry sectors's contribution to the financial state of turkey in 2 years (2000 and 2016) Overall, the highest part of the economy was contributed by agriculture in 2000 however Trade, Utilities and transportation played same role in year 2016. Initially, in total there are three sectors (leisure and hospitality, healthcare and education, trade utilities and transpoprtation) which contributed enough(between 14-17%) in both the years (2000 and 2016) whereas the least contribution was made by finance, construction, manufacturing in 2000(5%, 3%, 8% respectively) on the other hand government and finance both contributed less than 10%(2016). Agriculture was at its peak in giving up 24%(2000) to the economy before it falls to 14%(2016). Construction rose from 3% to 10% which is a markable difference for Turkey. Government also had a satisfactory amount of contribution of 12% but less in another year which is 9%(2000 and 2016 respectively).
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
2 pie charts illustrates the percentage of industry
Did you mean "sector's" or "sectors'"?
sectors's
contribution to the financial state of
Did you mean the country "Turkey" (which needs to be capitalized)?
turkey
in 2 years (2000 and 2016)

Overall
, the highest part of the economy
was contributed
by agriculture in 2000
however
Trade, Utilities and transportation played same role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2016.

Initially
, in total there are three sectors (leisure and hospitality, healthcare and education, trade utilities and
Possible spelling mistake found.
transpoprtation
) which contributed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
(between 14-17%) in both the years (2000 and 2016) whereas the least contribution
was made
by finance, construction, manufacturing in 2000(5%, 3%, 8%
respectively
)
on the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and finance both contributed less than 10%(2016).

Agriculture was at its peak in giving up 24%(2000) to the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it falls to 14%(2016). Construction rose from 3% to 10% which is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
markable
difference for Turkey.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
had a satisfactory amount of contribution of 12%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which is 9%(2000 and 2016
respectively
).

IELTS academic The given 2 pie charts illustrates the percentage of industry sectors's contribution to the financial state of turkey in 2 years (2000 and 2016)

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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